Santa Claus is Coming to Tana

Nasty Santa

This will be my first Christmas in ten years without Nasty Santa–a plush-toy, bare-chested Santa in boxer shorts with a grumpy face.

When you squeeze him, he says things like, “Screw milk and cookies. Where’s the whiskey?” and “Squeeze me any harder, I’ll drop a yule log.”

Nasty Santa is the merchandization of one of JibJab‘s early characters, back when JibJab was pure, crude, and edgy; back before they had a viral hit during the 2004 Presidential campaign with a video called “This Land.” JibJab subsequently pulled back all of their most offensive content and recalibrated instead for mere Simpsons-level irreverence.

It’s pretty hard to find Nasty Santa online anymore. Gone are the classics “Who’s Your Papua?,” “Dr. Pecker: Proctologist,” “Miracle on 234th Street” and of course, “Silent (But Deadly) Night.”

Dr. Pecker: Proctologist - Screen Shot
Unless you are bold enough to click through to Russian hacker websites.
Screen shot from “Dr. Pecker: Proctologist”

Yes, JibJab still features a Santa character, but he has toned it way, way down.

And my Nasty Santa toy is packed away in my storage unit half a world away. He is my only personal Christmas tradition, and I miss him.

The other day I was on my commute home from work in Antananarivo, when what to my wondering eyes did appear…

Nasty "Salto" Santa
“Crack the holidays with all your teeth.” It’s not funny in French either.

It’s Nasty Santa! In all his bare-chested glory, and peddling snack crackers. I had some Salto crackers today, and just like the Nasty Santa I fondly remember, they were tasteless.

But if JibJab is going to sanitize you and sweep your crude, but funnier, past under the rug, you could do worse than retiring in Madagascar.


1 comment

  1. […] in God and ghosts when I was 16. But by then I had already rejected astrology, witches, and Santa Claus. My positions were still iffy on virgin births, psychics, extrasensory perception, and giving a […]

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